Mood:
don't askMy mom called last night. Apparently, she had a meltdown.
Not your garden variety, call your therapist and get some pills and meditate type of meltdown, a full-scale heavy on lost her mind and had to be institutionalized breakdown. She's staying with my aunt right now, the CRAZY aunt not the cool one, and she's on a temporary break from her job. Well, two weeks isn't necessarily temporary, but we'll see.
I was okay when she called, I wasn't really affected at all. I myself can't handle real life without someone to hold my hand, hence I can't leave the house without a friend with me or clinging to my hub-unit's hand. But it's obvious my mother just can't accept what I like to call the Alternate Reality.
I call it this only in her case, because my mom knew nothing but being married and taking care of kids for twenty some odd years. After my dad pulled his shit, she just never recovered.
I've tried to tell her, time and again, that thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, of middle-aged women have to start their lives over again because of some circumstance. They start over, and it's hard, and it may take years for them to get acclimated, but they do it and things are fine.
I guess I can't say that anymore.
I guess I was wrong.
I was fine until about two hours ago, and now things are starting to look glum for me. What would happen if I was presented with the same violent rip in the only world I've ever known?
There are two things:
I have had more life experience, and therefore would hold up better to the strain and would invariably start my life over again with a minimum of help, or,
I would kill myself because I would have no footprints to follow, no imprint on which to base my life.
Neither will happen, but my mother's breakdown has definitely made me think about things I wouldn't normally like to.
And now, having ruminated enough, I guess I'll just wait until she calls me back. Until then, I'll focus on my own life and pretend to be a grown-up as much as I can.
Rattled Out By Queenie
at 1:37 AM
