The True Washington Story, Concluded (AGAIN)
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Fucking Pokemon Colosseum Music in the background
Yesterday was my ONE YEAR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY, so today I am going to finish telling about what happened oh so long ago. I can't even remember when I started the story, but those fo you that have been reading me for a while know where I am going with this. Here Goes:
September 11, 2003: The future hub-unit begins his massive, all-alone trek across the country to come pick me up. I am now pregnant with some other guy's baby, despodent over my lack of money and job skills, and 3500 miles away from any family member. This guy is INSANE to come get me, but hey, who am I to argue with such wacky determination? I start re-packing my stuff and wait all jittery-like in anticipation. His parents are not happy with his decision to just up and marry some girl, his co-workers don't believe him, and none of my friends believe me. However, my parents are in shock because some strange man called and asked if he could marry their eldest daughter OUT OF THE BLUE. To continue:
He arrives in a record THREE DAYS, and immediately is forced to propose in front of everyone there because he asked me over the phone and that's just apparently not acceptable. Did I mention I had to buy the ring and the dress by myself? With my meager unemployment check? Fun fun. We stay two days, most of which is spent discussing under cover of darkness what to do with the fetus currently sprouting in my womb. At this point, we have decided that since he will be leaving in OCTOBER for JAPAN, me being alone and pregnant is a bad idea given my mental state. The BBF, who I am living with in her parent's house, is very pro-baby, so I cannot tell her this and that is severely depressing.
Over the next few days we have a few meals, go to the zoo, and repack my things. All the boxes my stuff is in will not fit into his truck, so we pack everything, AGAIN, in tupperware tubbs. SO FUN.
The day we leave the BBF's mom, bless he heart, sabotages the truck with tons of sticky clingy things shaped like hearts and four-leaf clovers. By the time we get to them, they are baked on in the Florida heat, making his manly truck just a little girly. I give everyone hugs, and we grab my cat and my wedding dress and start on our way.
It's a typical road trip, other than the MASSIVE pain I am suddenly in, and we try for at least 13 hours of driving a day. I'm trying to be quiet, but apparently my body doesn't take well to being knocked up and I am a hurting unit.
Friday, September 19: Oklahoma City, OK. Just a few moments before midnigh, I run to the bathroom bleeding profusely. The baby, which we had agreed to terminate when we got back to Washington, has decided to make me helpless in the situation and take away my choice in the matter by terminating itself. I will bleed for the next seven days, and the pain will be intense.
I swear, that's the worst it gets in this story.
September 21, 2003: We arrive in Las Vegas, Nevada, after discussing our marriage options and deciding that sweet jesus we don't want our parents there. Either of us.
Our first stop is the Crappiest Motel on Earth. The charge us DOUBLE for having the cat, and the doors are key locks. Inside, there is no showerhead, just a pipe, and someone has smashed the channel buttons on the TV. The future hub-unit is irate because he doesn't want me to spend any time there, blah blah I deserve more, blah. Suddenly, the cat SCREAMS. She has wandered behind the dresser in our room and is now flailing widly in the center of the room, stuck to something. It turns out to be one of those no-kill pest strips with the gluey stuff on it, and she has two feet stuck to it. Upon further investigation, it turns out that there are several of these things behind the dresser because there is a THREE FOOT HOLE IN THE WALL. IN THE WALL.
We check out and are running across the street to HoJo's in ten minutes. We have been at the Crappiest Motel in the World for exactly 45 minutes.
September 22, 2003: The preparations begin, and they take ALL FUCKING DAY. The wedding itself costs 170 dollars, with a hefty discount because he was in the military. Plus, they promised to broadcast our wedding on the internet for free. Lots of phonecalls later, truly.
We had it videotaped, sent over the internet, and my mom even sent us an email toast as she watched her oldest child walk down the isle, looking VERY nervous.
September 23: On the road again. We finally stop at a Petrified Forest Park and kick ourselves later for not buying peterfied dino poop for gifts. Because what's better than giving stone dino poop and saying "now don't ever say I never gave you shit". Tee-hee.
The story's not even CLOST to being over, but I have to start dinner. So I'll finish later, or tomorrow.
Keep smiling.