The Last Desperate Act of the American Virgin
So news reports have come out saying that Britney Spears has gotten married. Yesterday, in Vegas, at the Little White Wedding Chapel. I have actually been to thie place, while my husband and I were perusing places at which to get married. It's not a bad place, in reality it's quite lovely. HOWEVER, the fact that Britney Spears tied the knot there...Bleah. Sources say that it was a joke gone too far and that Spears is already seeking an annulment. Bad joke, bad decision, or maybe it was a publicity stunt for the world's eyes to prove that once again the perpetual mouseketeer has grown up? I'm betting on the last one, and I've got my money down. Someone that deep in the public eye wouldn't do that because they would KNOW that they were being watched. And take it from me, getting married in Vegas is just a wee bit more complicated than walking in and doing it, no matter where you go. Fucking Britney Spears...

--The Queen

The Look of New-Fallen Snow
I fucking HATE it when it snows on this ridiculous island. There are NO, count 'em, NO seasons here WHATsoever, and yet still Mother Nature adds insult to injury by making it EVEN COLDER. Of course, it does rarely snow, but when it does...
There's only about a half an inch on the ground as I speak, and it will disappear hopefully later today because the sun's out, but DAMN. It figures on the day of my party it would snow. How the FAHK am I supposed to drive in this mess?

--The Queen

11 Days and a wake-up...
No hangover, thank god. However-
Dean Cain? DEAN CAIN?!?!?!? WHY is DEAN CAIN playing Scott Peterson in the TV movie? WHY??? Reaching, totally reaching. He's just WAY too recognizable as Superman's second incarnation (among other things) to be plausible as the perfect husband-cum-murder suspect. It just doesn't wash. And who's playing his wife, the doomed Laci? No freaking clue, because I was too busy focusing on pretty-boy Dean's face as a MURDER suspect. Bah. You know, if I had more of a life I wouldn't be complaining so freaking much about the ridiculousness of everyday TV viewing. It's time to pull out the weird wacky and ridiculous movie collection and do some reviews. Go ahead, tell me to rock on with my bad self you know you want to.

--The Queen

The Sexual Cha-Cha of the Male Ostrich
I had to write that down. Trust me, if you've ever seen a male ostrich trying to impress the laydeez you know what I'm talking about (you know who you are, bird-boy).
So here it is, New Year's Eve. As you probably haven't guessed, yours truly actually has plans for the evening. But how do you party hop when you only have a driver's permit and there are checkpoints everywhere? Good question, I'll guess I'll find out tonight. Wish me luck.
And today, tonight, rather, after midnight, marks the countdown. After tonight, there are twelve more days until my husband comes homes. You thought that I couldn't get any more erratic with my updates? Wait till he gets back, you're NEVER going to hear from me.
MOVIE TO CHECK OUT: The Order, with Heath Ledger. Okay, so he's a hottie, but ignore that fact for just a moment and take this flick based on its own merit for just a second. It's all about Catholicism, and that ALWAYS makes for good flickdom no matter what (okay FORGET the Left Behind movies, that's more Christian than Carolinian). Trust me, this movie should be checked out at least once. Yeah, there are some points left dangling in the wind, but in a way it makes sense because the focus of the story is resolved and that's all that usually matters.
Until tomorrow, kiddies, when I blast the world due to MASSIVE hangover.

--The Queen

Holiday Lament
I hate Christmas alone. My first major holidays as a married person and I'm sitting here like a depressed Oprah-watcher petting the cat and watching White Christmas and getting all teary-eyed. The Man comes home between the tenth and the twelveth of January, and I've had the tree up since the beginning of November. Next year should be better. BAH.
So here I am, with no money and nothing to do, begging for some kind of entertainment, and I realize just how crappy the holidays can be. This is worse than when I was in the fucking navy. BAH. HUMBUG.

--The Queen

I have GOT to stop watching MTV. Seriously. Just finished watching a Jessica Simpson video back-to-back with a Nick Lachey vid, and I think I'm going into sugar shock.
Look, I understand that if you don't look good you can't have a video on Emteevee, but to hear Jessie-babes singing about how she can be herself, even with just a t-shirt on, is ridiculous. She wears a plata-ma-pus shirt, snuggles on the couch eating chicken of the sea tuna, and stuffs her face with buffalo wings. Gee, she's making fun of herself after not using her brain, how CUTE! I don't know why it bothers me so much, or why the saccharine sweetness drives me SO crazy, but it does. Maybe because they always put it on RIGHT after her husband's vid, and BOTH are filmed at their spacious house. Bah. I wanna see a fat girl singing about her man making her feel beautiful, THEN I'll feel the love. Once again, BAH.

--The Queen

Rattled Out By Queenie at 8:05 AM

Updated: Thursday, 11 March 2004 5:39 AM

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Just saw a video by Lacuna Coil last night, a band that had been recommended to me by an ex-roommate who said that it was like Evanescence, but kinda goth.
Not really goth, kids, more like late 80's Heart. I swear to god, 'Heaven's A Lie' sounds a lot like 'Alone', a monster ballad from my days as a preadolescent. Good tune, but very guitar heavy.
Not that I'm comparing Lacuna Coil to Heart, you can't compare ANYONE to Heart, but the first song I ever hear from them sounds a lot like them, and I don't know if I like it. Jury's still out on this band, kids, but if you like them let me know why.
More to come today, it's still early on...

--The Queen

The Problems with Shopping
I just finished my christmas shopping for this year, and despite my efforts to keep it small, I have failed. The monster which is Christmas has sucked the life from my credit cards, the comfort from my feet, and the blemish-freeness of my hands. I've got tape cuts, aching arches, and NO money after purchasing something for everyone this year. And as much as I'm digging it, I'm feeling the bah humbug coming up on me. I'll get over it, I swear. Can you tell I couldn't find a rant today? :) --The Queen

Turkeys
Happy Thanksgiving kiddies! Today we all sit around and watch parades and ingest massive amounts of tryptophane until we pass out with our pants unzipped and our bellies swollen. Right now I myself am being subjected to the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade, and I must say it's still as uncool as it was when I was a child. Give me a national dog show any day over this commercial travesty. Saw the movie 'Chicago' last night, and was disappointed. THIS movie won Best Picture? Of course, I was never a big fan of Renee Zellweger or of Katherine Zeta-Jones, but this movie was bad setting aside even their performances. Queen Latifah was good, but then, the Queen is ALWAYS good. I have to go. Talking about it made me throw up a little. --The Queen

The New S**t
So here's the new Rantsville Format. Short and sweet, with minimal good stuff, but for now it will sate the masses. Let me know what you think, and I'll change it. Smoochies, kids! --The Queen